Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire — It’s not just car engines that break down when Jeremy Clarkson’s around — now even his trusty combine harvester has joined the rebellion.
The outspoken presenter-turned-farmer hosted an exclusive VIP summer bash this week for his booming Hawkstone beer brand at the Farmers Dog Pub — but the real drama was unfolding back at Diddly Squat Farm, where his 2025 harvest is already shaping up to be a disaster.
Looking unusually rumpled as he took the stage, Clarkson immediately addressed the elephant in the (beer) garden: “We know we’re in for a shocking harvest,” he told the lively crowd, “If there are any farmers here, they’d tell you the same thing.”
Clarkson’s blunt update was part confessional, part comedic rant — the sort of candour that has made Clarkson’s Farm a runaway TV success.
When Machines and Weather Conspire
The crisis began, Clarkson revealed, when Caleb Cooper — the breakout star and unofficial foreman of Diddly Squat — set out to debut a brand-new Hawkstone cider. But just 15 minutes into harvesting, the combine sputtered to a halt.
Mechanics scrambled to patch it up, but as soon as the fix was done, four months of drought ended in true British fashion — a downpour, drenching the oats and bringing work to an abrupt standstill.
So instead of celebrating at the pub, Caleb stayed behind, monitoring moisture levels and praying the rain would stop in time to salvage what’s left of this year’s crop.
Cider, Jokes and Firecrackers
Of course, Clarkson wouldn’t be Clarkson without stirring the pot. He thanked the gathered fans for “supporting British farmers by drinking Hawkstone,” then threw in a jab: any pub not stocking his brew should, in his words, “be set on fire.” He singled out Peroni for extra scorn, adding: “If they’re Italian, fine. But if they’re not — not on.”
The joke earned roars of laughter and more than a few raised pints.
Choirs, Chants and The Wurzels
The night also saw the debut of the Hawkstone Choir — yes, that’s real — made up entirely of local farmers belting out chants about the beer. Their “commercial” has already been banned from the airwaves, thanks to a chant that definitely wouldn’t clear Ofcom’s rules.
Rounding off the event, West Country legends The Wurzels took the stage for a nostalgic singalong, performing classics like Combine Harvester and I Am a Cider Drinker — a bittersweet soundtrack for a farm in crisis but a brand on the rise.
Beer Up, Harvest Down
Despite battered fields and broken combines, Clarkson remains bullish about Hawkstone’s future. Sales are strong, and the brand’s tongue-in-cheek marketing is striking a chord with fans keen to back British farming — and Clarkson’s unfiltered charm.
Whether the oats recover remains to be seen. But if this year’s harvest ends in ruin, Clarkson’s wit — and his cider — are still flowing freely.
