Fans hoping to see Clarkson’s Farm favourite Kaleb Cooper alongside Jeremy Clarkson at a recent outing were left disappointed, after the young farmer was forced to stay behind on the fields of Diddly Squat.
The Daily Star had been invited to Jeremy’s Hawkstone VIP Summer Party, where Clarkson himself arrived to greet the crowd—albeit looking a little more dishevelled than usual. Addressing the guests, the Top Gear legend explained why his right-hand man Kaleb was absent, sharing a story that perfectly summed up the unpredictable reality of farming life.
“Excuse my dishevelled state,” Jeremy began, drawing laughter from the audience. “We began the harvest at Diddly Squat this very morning! Set off about 8:30—Kaleb’s first time ever with his new combine, doing the combining.”
But what started as a promising day quickly turned into disaster. Clarkson continued: “8:45, combine broke down. Got the combine mended. Then, and this is true, for the first time in four months it rained. So, that soaked all the oats we were supposed to be harvesting.”
With Kaleb stuck watching the weather and moisture levels instead of joining the party, Jeremy explained that his young co-star had sent his apologies: “He’s sitting waiting for the moisture levels to drop so that he can get cracking because we know we’re on for a shocking harvest this year.”
Clarkson didn’t hold back on the wider challenges facing farmers either. “If there are any farmers here, they’ll tell you the same thing,” he told the crowd. “Last year was the second-worst recorded ever and we think this year is going to be even worse because it just hasn’t rained.”
Despite the gloomy farming forecast, Clarkson still managed to bring some humour and mischief to the event. He proudly spoke about the success of his Hawkstone Lager, revealing that sales had been strong enough to inspire the creation of a brand-new television advert.
However, the project hit another stumbling block. “Sadly, we made it at great expense, great difficulty and it has been banned. Nobody will show it. We’re told by the Advertising Standards Authority that it doesn’t meet their high standards,” Clarkson claimed.
The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), however, clarified to the Daily Star that no such ban had been issued, stating: “The ASA doesn’t pre-clear ads, and we only respond to complaints about ads once they’re in the public domain (which these ads were not). To be clear, the ASA has not banned TV and Radio ads for Hawkstone Lager.”
Undeterred, Clarkson decided to debut the commercial right there at the party. As the big screen flickered to life, guests were treated to an advert unlike anything they’d ever seen before. A choir of farmers appeared, singing in angelic tones the line: “F** me, it’s good.”*
The audience erupted into laughter, cheering and applauding the cheeky spot, with many admitting they couldn’t quite understand what had offended regulators in the first place.
In the end, Kaleb may have missed the event, but Clarkson ensured his absence was felt with a very honest—and very entertaining—account of the trials and tribulations of harvest season, mixed with his trademark irreverence.
